Ian Ortega
It was one of those weeks where PESTEL came to life. You know there are telltale signs of someone who went to business school, then dropping PESTEL is one of them. At least the business mafias are not as annoying as the Budonians and Smackists. For the latter, you could be talking about the nuclear power plant project in Buyende and they will just drop the statement; “when we were in Budo…” So where are you now? Huh, I better stop here. I will lose Pippa, the only Budonian friend who has remained loyal to me. For Smackists, they can go, what will they use to scare me? That Winnie Nwagi is coming to the closing ceremony of Smack league, and I am not invited? Ntare people must be wondering. Kale this ka-man never even mentions us. But well, when I start going lyrical on the UPDF amendment bill, I am more of talking about the Ntare league, isn’t it one and the same? Back to the real point, this week destroyed me on all fronts. If memory serves me right, I should have told you people about my SFC girlfriend. Did I not? This week, by coincidence, we broke up on the same day that the bill was passed.
I was both amused and shocked at this synchronicity. But now that my eyes are open, I should have seen this coming. Just like the ki-bill. I now treat myself as a serious Ugandan, so I made it a point to read the ki-bill. Then I realised that when you are a journalist and you escort the UPDF into an active operation, you will also be charged under military law. So where would that leave me with my SFC girlfriend? You break her heart, and you are accused of messing with the security detail. The SFC is now fully elevated. It is now a full service – just like the Land Forces, or the Air Forces. Then I saw the Kaunda suits and the black shoes as the preserve of the army. I worried for the bu-lawyers and Kampala mehn-of-Gaad. Nga they love to shine their bu-black shoes. All in all, I realised this ki-bill is slippery, but unlike beautiful things in life, this one is dry. This ki-bill will scratch off your skin with its thorny teeth, it will dig in, bleed you, and still yanker for more of you. It is even going to kill marriages.
